I thought i should write this journal entry to give people who want to read about my current situation in my life a chance to know about my life (i dont really open up to people often)
so here it goes, wish me luck haha.
first things first, i am gay, yes i love penis. and i wont give it up any time soon.
so anyways, my current situation is that i like this boy, lets call him "fred"
so like, ive liked fred for a really long time, as i beleive it is going on 3 years now, and acouple of months back, we were sitting on a park bench in secret harbour looking at a fountain of water, he randomly asked me if he could tell me something, i straight away said "sure, you dont have to ask to tell me something"
so then he started explaining of how we first met and how he knows i like him, then he suddenly said that he liked me too, ever since he set eyes on me.
i couldof cried of how happy i was..
i was over the moon and nothing could bring me down.
that was untill he asked if he could meet my friend thats like a brother to me and that ive known for 10 years now, (he can be named "bill")
in all honestly fred had asked me if i could ask bill to have a threesom with me and bill, bill said yes, and i also agreed, << i wanted to try something new, dont judge me.
anyways, this was all going to go down at my house on a friday night, but first, fred and bill had to meet eachother first, so on a tuesday we all went to freds house and went to the beach, me made a vegas (what happens in vegas stays in vegas sortof thing)
and then we started playing truth or dare, we all kissed eachother and everything and fred took hes pants off ect.
then it was getting late and me and bill went home, over the next couple of days bill was inboxing me, then he randomly said "do you think i like fred"
i straight away said yes, it was so obvious, even a blind person could tell it, (he has bo idea of how to hide hes emotions) he instantly got defensive asking how i could think such a thing, i just told him, thats for me to know and you not to find out, he replied very quickly demanding me to tell him, or else, i got angry pretty quickly and told him to use my manners, and i will tell him when im good and ready.
he logged off after that >.>
then the day arrived, friday after noon after i just got home,
the 2 of them came through the door being pretty quiet, we all went into my room and sat on my queen sized bed. fred then suggested that we go get some movies from block buster, me and bill agreed, so then we all got up and started walking to block buster, in the movie store, bill stuck to fred like a fly to a bad smell, fred was also constantly hitting him on the ass.
i got extremely jelous,
i walked away to a different part of the store and got my movies, (they were horror movies)
we walked out the shop and went back to mine, we all piled on the bed again and instantly started watching movies, we all took turns to have the lap top on their legs.
during the movie, bill kept saying "i cant beleive you think that"
fred was oblivious to what we were talking about. he kept asking and asking, but neither of us gave the answers he seeked.
about half way through the second movie, i got an inbox from bill, saying "okay, i might like him abit."
i looked over to where they were laying, suddenly fred grabbed bills hand and kept hold of it for hours..
i could feel my blood pressure building up, getting higher and higher after each passing minute.
i walked out of the room, i needed to breath..
i came back into the room shortly after and tried to calm myself, but it was no use, it stayed like this for a while..
later on about 3 hours later, they started advancing on eachother, starting to kiss and hug, lay on eachother stuff like that, i literally started shaking violently caused by an overload of anger, i actually started to scare myself..
but still neither bill or fred noticed...
a short while after that, it started getting dark.
we just kept watching movies while bill and fred were snuggling, i decided it was time to go to bed, they both agreed, but bill and fred switched places, so now i was next to bill, i was really wanting to punch him right into that ugly face of his. but ofcourse i didnt, i controlled my self..
i cried that night, silently but loud enough as for anyone who wanted to hear could.
but they still didnt pay attention to me.
fred and bill thought i had gone to sleep, because they kept on asking eachother if they thought i was asleep, i just layed there still and silent, not daring to say a single word, hardly even breathing.
they both decided that i have gone to sleep, then the unimaginable happened.
they started touching eachother innapropriately and kissing and everything....
i literally felt my heart split in 2..
the next morning, i hadn't a wink of sleep..
i lied straight to their faces and claimed that ive had atlease 3 hours of shut eye,
i walked to the bathroom and noticed that i had red rings around the lining of my eye lid due to crying, and black bags underneath the eye socket due to lack of sleep, i walked back into the room and fred announced that he had to leave.
as soon as he left, i confronted bill telling that i know everything that happened.
that i loved fred and he knows it, i started crying again and bill felt sorry for me. i told him to shove it up his ass, and to leave..
the next day fred had confronted me on facebook inboxing me saying that he knows everything i said to bill.
he then posted a status saying that "i dont care if anyone gets hurt anymore, ive seen what i want and im going after it" < not exactly what he said, but along the same lines
i had the biggest go at him, i was calling him every name under the sun, i was ragging.
ive never been so angry in my life.
the next couple of days at school, we both completely ignored eachother, then on tuesday i started having dreams of school life, i actually dreamt that he would ignore me for the whole days, then on wednesday, i had another dream, except i dreamt that he would approach me at a bin while in putting my rubbish away, and tell me that hes sorry and that he will give me a lousy apology and i would forgive him like i always do.
sure enough, the next day, he confronted me next to the same bin and same place i dreamt of, and said the exact same words i dreamed he would say..
and ofcourse i accepted his apology and continued on with my day.
Thank you for reading, i know its a big weight off me shoulders.
Listening to: whip my hair